Get your filthy scissors away from my dog!

As I may have mentioned previously, (I say "may" because I can't quite recall if I have or not) I am, as of yet, childless. I have found myself in that category of Yuppy who annoyingly posts pics of their adorable dog dressed in a rubber ducky Halloween costume on Facebook. I am not ashamed of the often manic love that I have for my "fur babies", though many of my friends can't understand my need to talk about my dog's fascination with Snoopy cartoons and interrupt me to discuss the frequency, consistency and smell of their child's bowel movements. How is that more entertaining than a dog watching TV? How??

Anyway, I have to warn you that I am one of those pet parents who was maybe a little too prepared. Meaning I read every dog book available while contemplating what flavor of "poo" to get-- would it be a malti-poo or a cock-a-poo? Perhaps a shitzu-poo would be more to my liking? I had no idea, and I admit that I made that last "poo" up. After choosing my poo (who I will now refer to as "Poo"-- he's anonymous, too ;), I then read various books on puppy rearing, from "Puppies for Dummies" to "Dogue", the dog fashion magazine. I have, like all parents, so I've been told, relaxed a bit in my obsessiveness, but there are several things that I refuse to compromise on. One of them is finding an excellent groomer for Poo. Who knew it would be so difficult to find a competent person to trim my dog's fur, toenails, and express his anal gland? I've learned that it's dang near impossible.

I have no real story here, I just wanted to gripe about the lack of rocket scientists in the dog grooming profession. Now please excuse me-- I've got to get to the mall so that I can put Poo in one of those adorable dog purses that he can peek his head out of. He likes people to stare at him in Banana Republic so that he can practice his impersonation of a therapy dog.